The Five-Rep Max

I wrote this poem on my commute home last night.  Hopefully, it motivates someone out there for PR Friday.

"The Five-Rep Max"

By Vir

You stand before the squat rack as if it were St. Peter, himself

The difference matters not, for a true five-rep max might bring you just as close to death

Buried beneath the squat rack, a noble death indeed

But not today

Today you will bounce out of the hole like Peter Cotton Tail on steroids

Today you will set a new PR

Chalk up your hands and take a deep breath, here we go

Tighten your grip on the bar and watch the chalk fall to the floor like a fresh winter snow

The calm before the storm

Retract your shoulder blades to build the shelf, Atlas would be proud

Elbows down, back tight

Three steps back, always three steps

Drive your knees out and descend to rock bottom, as if there is any other way to truly squat

Is there any other way to truly live?

Reverse direction so fast you wonder if you hit bottom

Forget that you still have four more

Let's go, deep breath, fill the belly

The next rep is smooth, but the third rep is exponentially harder

Come on, keep your head in it, one more!

The fourth rep is slower still but eventually your hips come through

One more. No one cares about your four-rep max

Fill the belly one last time and descend a bit faster, hoping the extra speed will carry you

Just past parallel you meet your nemesis -- the sticking point

Hello, old friend, care to dance?

Drive through that sucker with an unbridled fury, release your air in a primal growl

Most people don't know this side of you, but never feel more alive than you do right now

Sit down and relish the opportunity to write two simple letters in your training log "PR"

Cool down and bask in your fifteen minutes of fame

Turn out the lights

See you again next Friday, five-rep max plus two kilos.

 

Straight salt.